John Bowlby is thought of as the first to develop a theory of attachment. He developed his theory in the 1950’s drawing from the work of several others from a variety of different fields. Bowlby looked at the relationship experiences between children and their earliest caregivers and drew conclusions regarding how those early experiences shaped the social and emotional development of the child. Bowlby believed that a child’s primary caregivers are responsible for teaching the child what they can expect from people and relationships and also shapes how the child manages themselves and their emotions. What the child learns about themselves from their caregivers and what the child learns to expect from others in the world becomes the social and emotional blueprint for relationships that carries into adulthood. How safe, secure and confident you feel as an adult is based on your childhood experiences.

Attachment theory helps us understand how we formed emotional bonds with people or how scary or dysregulating experiences disrupted it. As a child gets older, experiences in school with teachers and other children also impact our ability to develop security in relationships. If we were treated well and valued by others, we learn to value ourselves and feel secure. If we were dismissed, bullied, alone, laughed at, abused or neglected then we, unfortunately, learned not to value ourselves and to expect others to be hostile and hurtful, leading to an insecure attachment. This tends to shape us to be defensive, sometimes offensive, avoidant of conflict or of getting close to people and a host of other relational dynamics.

The good news is, we can heal the early childhood hurts and can develop security in relationship with ourselves and with other people. Under the guidance of a skilled therapist, working with horses can help us do that. People can develop better emotion regulation and an ability to manage stressful situations better, can begin to see themselves in a much more positive way reducing doubts and negative thinking.

Developing security in your relationships can lead to a reduction in addiction and self-harming behaviors, heal trauma and can improve experiences of depression and anxiety, generating an overall greater sense of well-being.